Facing Acceptance

Acceptance. We all have to deal with this feeling some time during our life, some more than others depending on what people are having to deal with in their lives. For myself, I have had to deal with acceptance, especially now in my current situation of being an incomplete quadriplegic (having some movement in my limbs but still require total care for daily needs).

Before you arrive to accept something as reality, I find myself putting it has a far-off dream, as not being a part of my own reality; therefore I don’t to accept it because it’s not true. Denial is a gift until one has to finally face the reality of their situation. 

My journey in recovering from GBS has been agonizingly slow, to say the least, it is still progressing which tells me I have not come to a final outcome yet. Therefore, I don’t have to accept my outcome because changes for the positive are still happening. But in recent months I find this is not the case. Yes I am improving, but realities need to be faced. It will be 3 years in September since my diagnosis of GBS, which means I have off work for almost 3 years, how much longer can AHS hold my position as a coding coordinator in data collection? A job I have enjoyed doing.

While in ICU, I remember thinking, who am I without a career to identify me? My career in health records (I was 30 years in the field when I was dx) gave me back my self-esteem, self-confidence and being appreciated for what I could contribute to a team. So it’s not hard to see why I felt my career identified me. I mentioned this to my friends Sara and John while in ICU. They reminded me they didn’t know me from work, their kids didn’t know me from work - they love and care for me; because of who I am as a person not what did as a living. It has taken sometime and still is, coming to realize I am identified more than my job, but for the person I am towards others. 

These 2 words of encouragement below which I have found posted on Facebook is teaching me, accepting my current situation as final is not correct. Has my recovery continues, things I will need to accept is for that moment but with the hope it can change into something better. Not resignation in lifting my hands in the air giving up - it’s acknowledging this is where I am today, what can accomplish today - accept it, see the positives and tomorrow is another day and who knows what it will bring. 




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