Trust in Him

“Trust in Him”  - easier said then done. How can you trust in God when life feels so unfair? Why do I have to face yet another challenge in my life? Learning to live with Guillian Barre Syndrome (GBS) I think is the toughest I have had to face just by the debilitating impact it has had on my life; plus those loved ones around me. 

Since I was 16 years old my family had to face: my mom’s stage 3 breast cancer diagnosis; 9 months later my sister was diagnosed with osteogenic sarcoma (bone cancer) and only to have it recurred 18 months later. Talk about putting a family through the ringer for sure. Life was finally feeling a bit normal, when the unthinkable happened - my sister’s death. For 21 years I had the title of Big Sister, and suddenly it was taken for me. All the “Why’s” - Why Kathryn? Why did we have to have more pain? Why do we deserve this?. Kathryn had a stronger faith than I did. I remember my mom telling me before my sister went into one of her major surgeries (back surgery and full arm amputation) - she was calm saying it will be alright I am in God’s hands. Wow, to have such faith - a testament to me and those who knew here. 

Flash forward to the Winter 2017 (March/April) - I had done plenty of screaming in my head (didn’t have a voice then) and plenty of tears aimed at God in my months in the ICU. Of course - “Why did you do this to me? I don’t understand!”. Then one evening, they had to change my indwelling Foley catheter which for me was quite painful with my body screaming at me with any type of movement. With tears running down my face and facial expressions showing I was in pain, I silently cried out to God to help me as my mom had gone home for the night and I was alone. What occurred next has never happened before - after my cry to God, I felt a hand squeeze my hand in a comforting way. When I looked down, no one was physically holding my hand. I did feel my anxiety lessen. There could be only be one explanation - God heard me and it let me know I am not facing this alone. 

He continues to show me, I am not alone and continue to strong in my faith by the people he brings into my life - nurses and doctors who care for; and of course my family and friends helping me stay positive as I face this journey. Reminding me, that I am not facing this challenge alone and will be stronger for it. 

With God, anything is possible. Amen. 











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