Have you ever wondered what dreams mean? I would love to know what my wild dreams are to reflect. I was in darkness other than small moments of drifting to the present to hear Dr. Zuege say “Let me see that smile.” or hearing my mom say “I don’t know she is doing that, I can’t even do that.” This was in reference to me raising my eyebrows as that was the only way to communicate. My darkness lasted about 6 weeks from my admission and during this time I had the weirdest dreams. Weird, but there was a theme. I was represented as a cow and there was a BBQ involved. Growing up I was a shy person with self-esteem and self-confidence issues, so one dream had me at a BBQ and I obviously did not fit in with the crowd. Next thing I knew, I was being prepared for the BBQ! The crowd was teasing/bullying me which hurt me and I didn’t know why I was being treated this way. So I prayed to God to be there with me as I felt hurt and scared. I closed my eyes for the pain to stop. A pe...
It was difficult to hear everything around me but struggle in communicating and basically lying flat on the bed. I couldn’t tell you how many times I would have tears and I struggled to say why. As one could expect it was tough absorbing the fact that in a matter of weeks I went from a walking able-body person to basically a quadriplegic person. Hearing from the doctors that this was the worst case of GBS they have seen and the recovery will be long and slow. How do you not get angry and frustrated by this situation? Well one night that is exactly what I did. We were struggling to get my arm into the hospital gown. I became frustrated and angry and next thing I know it, I felt a release as I helped push my arm into the gown sleeve. This is when it sunk in that my shoulders were coming alive. Yay! with my shoulders I could move my arm up and down!! I should try to get mad more often. Maybe I will prove the doctors wrong and my recovery will be quicker than they predicted. Hands ...
Initially my way to communicate was through facial expressions. Flicking of my eyes, to raising my eyebrows to say yes or no. I was asked to “give me a smile” once I got my facial muscles back. It could be because I was ventilated and trached that when I finally was fully conscious, there was no voice when I talked. They brought in a Speech Pathologist to help. They gave us an alphabet box and we would play hangman game, “first word, first letter “, to communicate. It was frustrating because it took time to figure out what I wanted to say. As my neck muscles were coming back, I was able to start moving my head side to side and up and down. Having that movement the Speech Pathologist decided to try a computer program in which I could type out what I wanted to say by moving the cursor by moving my head. The cursor was really sensitive which became frustrating trying to get the cursor where I wanted. Plus with my weak neck muscles, the whole process left me tired after a few minutes. ...
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