It was difficult to hear everything around me but struggle in communicating and basically lying flat on the bed. I couldn’t tell you how many times I would have tears and I struggled to say why. As one could expect it was tough absorbing the fact that in a matter of weeks I went from a walking able-body person to basically a quadriplegic person. Hearing from the doctors that this was the worst case of GBS they have seen and the recovery will be long and slow. How do you not get angry and frustrated by this situation? Well one night that is exactly what I did. We were struggling to get my arm into the hospital gown. I became frustrated and angry and next thing I know it, I felt a release as I helped push my arm into the gown sleeve. This is when it sunk in that my shoulders were coming alive. Yay! with my shoulders I could move my arm up and down!! I should try to get mad more often. Maybe I will prove the doctors wrong and my recovery will be quicker than they predicted. Hands ...
Have you ever wondered what dreams mean? I would love to know what my wild dreams are to reflect. I was in darkness other than small moments of drifting to the present to hear Dr. Zuege say “Let me see that smile.” or hearing my mom say “I don’t know she is doing that, I can’t even do that.” This was in reference to me raising my eyebrows as that was the only way to communicate. My darkness lasted about 6 weeks from my admission and during this time I had the weirdest dreams. Weird, but there was a theme. I was represented as a cow and there was a BBQ involved. Growing up I was a shy person with self-esteem and self-confidence issues, so one dream had me at a BBQ and I obviously did not fit in with the crowd. Next thing I knew, I was being prepared for the BBQ! The crowd was teasing/bullying me which hurt me and I didn’t know why I was being treated this way. So I prayed to God to be there with me as I felt hurt and scared. I closed my eyes for the pain to stop. A pe...
GBS side effects in recovery are, impact to one’s blood pressure, fluctuations in body temperature, body sensations due to touch, and of course pain. I developed bradycardia which brings my blood pressure low. During my initial 6 weeks in ICU, it was the bradycardia condition that lead to me having a cardiac arrest and having an external pacemaker. This became an issue when the nursing staff had to turn me for changing. I seemed to be okay when turned to my left side, but when they turn me right I would have trouble breathing which lead to panicking and tears. Plenty of tears were cried as they had to turn me for changing as I would ache with even the slightest touch to my body. Sometimes the skin sensations were like a burning feeling. There were times where my pain came from imaginary limbs. Closest thing I can compare it to is phantom pain. I remember my sister Kathryn talking about phantom pain after her arm was amputated. The nerves told her that her arm was the...
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