Addiction Personality Traits

 Addiction. What is a addiction? For me, alcoholism, drug abuse and sex addiction comes to  mine. Definition for addiction is an inability to stop using a substance or engaging in a behaviour even though it is causing a psychological and physical harm. It should be noted - addiction does no only refer to dependence on drug substances. 

Working in Health Records as a coding specialist, and type of addiction falls under the umbrella of mental health disorders. Having alcoholism in my family history, one wonders if this is passed on genetically. There is being an alcoholic but there is being a “dry alcoholic”. Another term is called “Dry Drunk Syndrome” which describes somebody who has stopped drinking alcohol, but who still engages in “the actions and attitudes that characterized the alcoholic prior to recovery”. In my 20s and early 30s, to me drinks like Hard Lemonade drinks, Rum & Coke or Long Iced Tea were like water. Had no problem downing those drinks. I remember being in Munich during Octoberfest. In two hours, I had 2 steins of beer which equals 8 beers! Don’t worry, I was hurting the next day. Grateful I realized that if I continued to have this issue, it wouldn’t have a good outcome for me. 

My move to Calgary wasn’t only the best career move but it was best move personally. One of the things was my circle of friends didn’t need liquor to have a good time. Definitely have some great memories where alcohol wasn’t involved. This was the reason I had a “dry” house - there was no temptations in my home. Though I wouldn’t call myself an alcoholic, I did refer it when talking with friends, I had “an addictive personality”. Unbeknownst to me there a term called, “Addictive Personality Traits”. The definition of this term is “a personality that is more likely to become addicted to something. This can include someone becoming extremely passionate about something and developing an obsession or fixation”. Below is link explains about this in more detail.

https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/do-you-have-addictive-personality-traits - video at the end of the website link is informative 

Definitely makes sense for me. Ever since I was a little girl, I collected plastic dolls with countries with their customary outfits. Well that grew into collecting porcelain dolls and Cherished teddies. Then recently it came to an new addiction - playing Evermerge. This is a game in which you need to buy coins or gems to move forward in the game. Over months, I would be playing this game for hours as it was fun to play and gave me joy. When I shared with some of my close friends, their reaction were similar in that they could understand the need to find joy and something to do with my many hours alone in my LTC facility. It is not excuse, just a fact. My other thought was I am not hurting anyone playing this game. Yes, I played daily but still didn’t see it has an addiction. It all came to head in late April, when I had to my mom for money to ensure some bills would be paid. So question to ask myself - “Who are you hurting?” Well I hurt my family by omitting or was dishonest of my financial situation. I broke a trust in our relationship. Who I hurt the most was myself. Living way beyond my means, living in denial thinking I wasn’t hurting anyone. Definitely has been a hard life lesson to learn. 

One can see the obvious negatives from this situation, but my thought process is for a negative there is a positive (a silver lining). For me, that major positive, is my relationship with my brother Bruce. Bruce provided me with an app “EveryDollar” to help with debt control; and links about gaming addiction,which I was. So helpful and such encouragement I will see this through too. It has meant everything to me. 

Thinking some people might be asking me, why I am writing and posting this on my blog. This blog not only shared my journey dealing with Guillian Barre Syndrome, but also other happenings while on that journey. Plus like with any addiction, there is usually a 12-step program to follow. So I am apologizing to the people impacting by my actions. It was not my intention to hurt you. Thank you others for your continuing support, prayers and encouragement - it means so much to me.