Thinking of your quality of life
It’s now almost 7 months since my admission. I am recovering from my septicaemia/septic shock; but still no new movement since when I got mad in November 2016 and minimal improvement with my voice either. During quiet times in my room, I get a lot of time to think. It was hard to concentrate on the TV shows or the music being played on the CD player. You ask yourself - “Is this it? Is this my life”. Will I need to accept the reality I am a quadriplegic and totally dependent on others? Then you get angry - “Why me? Why did you choose me to have this condition? Why are you making my mom go through this again - another daughter facing a tough future, how is this fair?
My Mom had to go home for her own follow up medical appointments as she faced her own medical battle. After 30 years of being cancer free, January 2016 it came back in her sacrum and she had to have major back surgery followed by 15 rounds of radiation. So lucky for me, I was able to be there for my Mom for the majority of her radiation treatments. My Mom planned to be away for 2 weeks but with help from my friend Sara, she had it all worked out that someone came every day to visit while she was away. How awesome was that?!
The first weekend she was away, our new friend Karen had her turn to visit. My Mom met Karen through a former coworker from Thunder Bay, who called her old neighbour Karen to see if she would met with my Mom. Well, it started a beautiful friendship. A locum was covering this weekend. I had a reality moment when they asked me if anyone talked to me about my quality of life. My answer was a big NO! My doctors tried to be "real" because of the slow recovery but they still kept telling me to stay positive, it’s just going to be a slow process. Not the answer you are looking for, but I could somewhat accept it. This locum’s response shocked me to the core as she splashed me with this dose of reality. "I will be a quadriplegic for rest of my life, attached to machines to help me breath and I will not be able to go back to work. Plus will dependent on others for the smallest things for the rest of my life. The last thing I would want is to be a burden on family and friends."
As I was trying to recover from the news, my nurse Morgan was awesome. She gave me comfort and asked if I was a Christian and would I like to see a Spiritual counsellor. Wow, that would be wonderful and soon I was introduced to Tracey who sat with me for a while which gave me comfort. We did our best to have a conversation with me mouthing my words. She reaffirmed that what I was feeling, was natural to feel. The other comfort was Karen who has a background in psychiatry nursing. Now if you wanted a positive cheerleader in your corner, you will want Karen. She would not let me stay in the negative, reminded me that is only one doctor’s opinion not the majority as they are still remaining hopeful; so hold onto that. That weekend, I was so happy to have Morgan, Tracey and Karen there for me to carry me through the weekend. My spirit sure was down in the dumps for few days following.
My Mom had to go home for her own follow up medical appointments as she faced her own medical battle. After 30 years of being cancer free, January 2016 it came back in her sacrum and she had to have major back surgery followed by 15 rounds of radiation. So lucky for me, I was able to be there for my Mom for the majority of her radiation treatments. My Mom planned to be away for 2 weeks but with help from my friend Sara, she had it all worked out that someone came every day to visit while she was away. How awesome was that?!
The first weekend she was away, our new friend Karen had her turn to visit. My Mom met Karen through a former coworker from Thunder Bay, who called her old neighbour Karen to see if she would met with my Mom. Well, it started a beautiful friendship. A locum was covering this weekend. I had a reality moment when they asked me if anyone talked to me about my quality of life. My answer was a big NO! My doctors tried to be "real" because of the slow recovery but they still kept telling me to stay positive, it’s just going to be a slow process. Not the answer you are looking for, but I could somewhat accept it. This locum’s response shocked me to the core as she splashed me with this dose of reality. "I will be a quadriplegic for rest of my life, attached to machines to help me breath and I will not be able to go back to work. Plus will dependent on others for the smallest things for the rest of my life. The last thing I would want is to be a burden on family and friends."
As I was trying to recover from the news, my nurse Morgan was awesome. She gave me comfort and asked if I was a Christian and would I like to see a Spiritual counsellor. Wow, that would be wonderful and soon I was introduced to Tracey who sat with me for a while which gave me comfort. We did our best to have a conversation with me mouthing my words. She reaffirmed that what I was feeling, was natural to feel. The other comfort was Karen who has a background in psychiatry nursing. Now if you wanted a positive cheerleader in your corner, you will want Karen. She would not let me stay in the negative, reminded me that is only one doctor’s opinion not the majority as they are still remaining hopeful; so hold onto that. That weekend, I was so happy to have Morgan, Tracey and Karen there for me to carry me through the weekend. My spirit sure was down in the dumps for few days following.
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