Feeling overwhelmed in life

The world 🌎 has been turned upside down and sideways with global pandemic of coronavirus (Covid-19). The first case from China on December 30, 2019, and hence why the virus is called Covid-19 referencing it was discovered is 2019. It is in the same family of the SARS virus which came from China in 2003. SARS - Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome, a pneumonia virus that also had fatal outcomes in Canada too. The other acronym they are using to describe Covid-19 is SARS-CoV2.  

Canada’s first case was a person flying from China to Toronto on January 27, 2020. Canada’s first death of COVID-19 was s senior at Lynn Valley Care Centre was on March 8, 2020. In the end this long term care (LTC) facility had 76 confirmed cases of residents and staff as well as 20 deaths. On February 28, 2020, in Washington state (which borders British Columbia) confirmed the Covid-19 virus affected one of their LTC facilities where 127 residents/staff/visitors were infected which lead to 20+ deaths. When I heard about what occurred in Washington state, my anxiety level went up as that has been a fear of mine was getting a pneumonia which would lead to hospitalization, and probably in ICU as a precaution in case I would need to be intubated again. This is my fear for any type pneumonia, just not Covid-19. So the only control I have left was to self-isolate myself in my room until this virus passes. I ended up being isolated for 3 months (March 4 to May 28), which included a 19-day stay (April 24 to May 13) in the hospital for acute appendicitis, postoperative bronchopneumonia (probably from being intubated for the general anesthetic) and due to the fact I couldn’t go sooner as my facility was locked down with Covid-19 outbreak. 

The World Health Organization (WHO) finally declared the Covid-19 a global pandemic due the infection spread around the world at a rapid speed on March 11, 2020. This is when you saw many countries leaders begin to shutdown their countries to contain the virus as much as possible. Calgary did not escape Covid-19 virus in LTC facilities - ours arrived around March 28, 2020 at McKenzie Towne Community Centre when it was reported by our province’s chief medical officer Dr. Deanna Hinshaw, that a Covid-19 death occurred at the facility. Our facility - AgeCare-Skypointe was also hit by this virus. We were fortunate that only 4 staff members were infected only. It didn’t spread to any of our residents. This made me realize I made the correct decision to self-isolate at the beginning of March and remain aware of my surroundings. In the last week of May, I had my first 30 minute outdoor visit with friends Sara & Sierra Paterson. It was so good to be outside and to be face-to-face with a friend. It does the body and mood good, that is for sure. 

We are now July 7, 2020 - we stand globally 11.4+ million confirmed cases with over 500,000 deaths. Hard to comprehend the amount of people lost due this contagious virus. Canada has 106,000+ confirmed/presumptive cases and almost 8,800 deaths. Mind blowing! Our neighbours to south (US) the virus has taken hold of that country in a bad way  - almost 3 million confirmed cases and almost 130,000 deaths. Can you imagine, the US deaths surpassed us in total cases. Some 36 states out of 50 states are recording spikes in cases. Until July 21, our two countries borders are to reopen for non-essential travel. Seeing how contagious and how it can spread to others when they are asymptotic, and now scientists are saying it be an airborne virus (micro particles carrying the virus) which makes it even more dangerous. It’s just plain scary. 

Then in May the world erupted not only with Covid-19 spikes, but into global protests about brutality against all minorities in our society. It started with the tragic death (murder) of George Floyd of Minneapolis, Minnesota by a white police officer by kneeling on his neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds. In Canada, our protests escalated with multiple examples of the RCMP brutality against indigenous and those experiencing mental health issues too. When you add my ongoing issues with catheter pain and catheter blockages occurring constant - I hit my wall. Feeling bombarded at all directions - externally (Covid-19, protests etc) and internally (dealing with my health issues) it became overwhelming and it became too much. 

Major crying episodes and venting out my frustrations. When I get to those points, especially when it’s dealing with my catheter issues, I am exasperated with my situation. Venting “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live like this. How is this a quality of life?”. My HCAs do their best to comfort me, but have to finish the sobbing process. I eventually calm down (usually after taking some Tylenol) and I distract myself with something and my mood improves. My wonderful roller coaster ride of emotions of dealing and coping with what is occurring outside my facility and inside my room. 

Of course, with all of this surrounding me, there is dealing with anxiety and worry. With all the Covid-19 restrictions forced on us for our safety and well-being locally, provincially and federally, as well as understanding the highly contagious virus infects people, thoughts of “Will I see my parents, brother and extended family again as I live in a LTC facility 3-4 provinces over from them?”; “How long until I can have visitors in my room again staying more than 30 minutes?” Silly I know, but those are the couple of thoughts that pass through my head. The true anxiety is what will happen if I was infected with the Covid-19? Since the pandemic was called by the WHO in March 2020, the world has learned that virus is more than just a respiratory pneumonia virus, it a systematic virus affecting multiple organ systems. Yes, it can badly damage your lungs you might need bilateral lung transplant, but it causes blood clots (DVT and pulmonary embolisms) and impacts the heart, liver and kidneys. This is why I might take these extra precautions of my surroundings as even my doctors agree it is highly probable of being fatal. I have spent almost the last 4 years, fighting to survive from Guillian Barre Syndrome, I do not want another virus to defeat me. So I will carry on.