Finding that silver lining (the positives)

 Having had to face pretty significant traumas or challenges in my life - with a negative there is a positive. All the negative feelings you have when facing these traumas and challenges, when you look back to the situation, there is a positive. The positive is a realization something good in your life came from that negative experience. I firmly believe that, with a negative there is always a positive. Of course, the problem is it is not always instantly seen; it could take a couple of years to show one positive thing from the negative. Here are some examples from my experiences. Some was instant and some did take years for me to see them. 

When I was 16 years old, my mom was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer. Stage 3 of 4 stages indicates the cancer not only in compass the breast but it has spread to the lymph nodes (axillary). This lead to a double mastectomy and months of chemotherapy. From my perspective, it was difficult the mood swings due to the effects of chemotherapy, being induced to menopause at 44 years of age and the impact of the personal well-being (mental, emotional, and physical health) happening all at once while still taking care of her children (20, 16, 14). Then 30 years later in 2016, my mom’s same cancer (lobar carcinoma of the breast) had spread to her sacrum of the spine. She had to go through a major surgery to remove the cancerous sacrum and then have a pelvic stabilization with rods and screws. The wonders of technology. Plus she had to go through 15 rounds of radiation once she healed from her surgery. Even though she is now considered Stage 4, she has been in remission for 4 years. One thing I have learned from my mom - she is a survivor, a fighter. Though I was not supportive to her 30 years ago like I should have been, I was able to be there for her when she had to do her 15 rounds of radiation. Fortunate my workplace allowed for me to spend a month with my mom and just be there for her. My positive - becoming aware that you can overcome your obstacles. Be aware of your supportive family and friends who have given you strength, encouragement, kindness, compassion and plenty of Kleenex and an ear/shoulder when you needed to have a good cry or vent out your frustrations as you go through the process of recovery. 

Shortly after my mom finishing all her chemotherapy (1987), we received a phone call on July 1, 1987 from Nipigon General Hospital. My sister Kathryn had been playing tag at Dorion Bible Camp (Ontario) and had broken her upper arm. No big deal right? Then they said it was pathological fracture which means the arm broke due to cancer which had weakened the bone. A week later, my mom takes Kathryn to Hospital for Sick Kids in Toronto to have surgery and begin her chemotherapy. Can’t imagine at 14 years of age going through this. They saved her arm the first time, but less than 2 years later she had to face recurrence in her arm and “hot spots” on her T9 of her spine. The doctors had to perform a full arm amputation plus at the time new type of procedure where they would remove the cancerous T9 vertebrae bone, bottom half of T8, top half of T10 to ensure clear margins, then used bone chips from her hips and her floating rib with rods and screws to re-stabilize her back. I was told it was the 5th one performed in Canada (1989). Again - we have another survivor, a fighter in the family. Unfortunately, Feb 3, 1994, shortly turning 21 in December, she ended her life. She was in remission from cancer at the time of her death. The hardest part is not truly knowing the factors that lead her to her decision. My positive - looking back seeing those moments now precious we shared together - especially our midnight talks. We can relax and just be ourselves. It took me awhile to see, but Kathryn showed me how to have faith in God. Faith that He will provide strength through her cancer surgeries and treatments. Faith that if you give your troubles to Him, He will be there for you by sending people in your lives to help you through it. 

Despite having to go all through all of the above, adding parents divorce (26), unknowingly bullied by my director in Thunder Bay then again by my managers in Calgary and of course my diagnosis of Guillian Barre Syndrome in September 2016, I am able to see positives that came from all of them. Finding my voice to speak up when I have a question for clarification; a voice to  speak up for myself and others when I see a concern; finding my self-confidence and realize I can contribute to a team to make a difference; and I was finding my independence to stand on my own two feet to explore on my own. Traveling to other countries in Europe and UK on my own. Traveling to visit family and friends across Canada. Becoming a first-time homeowner on my own and all that it encompasses. Feeling proud of my accomplishments that I did not think I could achieve. The number #1 positive throughout these situations I have had face since 16 (now 49) - appreciating how loved I am by family and friends, how you are just being you at work has impacted others; now some are dear friends. The joys and feeling loved by my friends’ children, calling me “auntie” - precious. Of course none of this is possible without my trust and faith in God. Prayers can be answered. 

As the Brits say, “Keep Calm and Carry on”. Despite what we face, continue to look forward, stay positive in attitude, knowing you are loved and knowing with your 3Fs by your side you can make it through anything. 3Fs stands for Family, Friends and Faith.