Have you been catfished? I just did

 Have you caught in a “catfish scheme”? Do you what a catfish scheme is? I had only heard about such a romance scheme from the TLC series, Sister Wives, where the wife Meri was hooked into this romantic relationship from her social media with what she thought was a guy, at first . This had gone on for months. The person said all the right things to someone who was vulnerable and she happened to be going through the emotions of divorce. To top it off, her self-confidence and self-worth was low. How Meri explained it, the person told her the things she make her better and thought she was able to move forward in her life. It was when Meri started asking if she could meet with him did thing started to get murky. Eventually, Meri found out this relationship was all a lie, a fake. The person behind this relationship, wasn’t a guy but a woman. What this must be to a person’s emotional and mental psyche. It can seriously mess you up once you start processing everything from the beginning. You start asking yourself questions like, “I consider myself as a smart person, why didn’t I see this in the beginning” or “I feel like a complete fool and an idiot for falling for this.” or “This is so embarrassing. My friends must think I am an idiot to fall for this.”

Well, this is what happened to me over the weekend. I felt much of the above - embarrassing, felt foolish and an idiot not knowing from the start. It started innocently enough - this person place a comment under a reply of a close friend; saying that he tried to sent a friend request but I didn’t have one. So didn’t think anything, I sent him a Facebook friend request. We exchanged a few comments on Facebook messenger. He told me he was a military surgeon on an UN peacekeeping mission in Afghanistan. Seems plausible doesn’t it. He mentioned that he can’t get to Facebook messenger all the time, could we connect on Google Hangout. Which I added the app to my iPad. For the past few days, we have been having a nice conversation. I must admit it was nice getting to know him. 

There were clues that were popping up, giving me “red flag” gut instincts that something wasn’t quite right about this. The first obvious red flag 🚩, was her asked me not to tell any of my friends , especially my best friends, that we had met and getting to know each other better. Then had been noticing he wasn’t always answering my questions to get to know him, which I thought was strange but continued with having conversations with him. This past Saturday I was talking with my friend Sara about my day and I let it slip about this guy to her. Mentioned how we connected through a comment I had made on her sister’s Facebook page. The next morning, Sara had sent internet links about “cat fishing” and her beautiful detective work found the name the photo the fake person was using. The real person was indeed a surgeon, but wasn’t from the UK on an UN peacekeeping mission like the fake told me. Nope, he was surgeon from Brazil! In that moment, when speaking to Sara on the phone, I cried. I cried, how embarrassing it is for me. How foolish I feel being hooked into the scheme. I do consider myself a smart person, why didn’t realize this from the get-go. Why didn’t I ask my friend do you know this name, before sending a Facebook friend request? I felt pretty low that I got suckered into this romantic scheme. 

It’s not an excuse - but it has obviously been a rough year living in a long term care facility during a pandemic and my facility has a count so far of 96 positive Covid cases since October 11, 2020. I have been quarantined in my room the whole, except from Dec 2-9, when quarantine was lifted and we were able to have our meals in the dining area. Unfortunately we are back in quarantine to our rooms until sometime in January 2021. So with spirits low, it was refreshing to have some attention come my way. It was nice. 

I do count myself as very fortunate and lucky that my adventure on this scheme was short lived and any “damage” was superficial as I did not get too involved before realizing my error in the first place.

1. I eventually followed my gut instinct and told a friend sooner than later about meeting this fake person. 
2. If someone (basically a stranger) asks you to keep your new relationship a secret especially as people won’t understand - this is first red flag, this person is not sincere. 
3. He asked personal questions, sometimes intimate, which didn’t seem strange at first as that is how you get to know you better.
4. They will have a sad story, which you feel compassionate towards. They story I got was - he was from Liverpool, England and that his parents died in a car accident when he was 2 years old. As he was only child and so were his parents, he was sent to live in an orphanage. He had to work hard all his life, but he knew he wanted to help others, so is why is a military surgeon. He has a 12 year old daughter living, I am assuming in Liverpool too. He is lonely he writes to me.
5. He pushed the romance part fast - “What do you when it’s raining outside?” And his response was “...cuddling under a blanket by the fireplace, holding hands...”. Next thing you know it, he is asking me, “When we first met, do I hug you or can I kiss you?” Wow - we only met online some 36 hours before that question! I honestly was taken aback by the question. I replied a hug is always between friends. 
6. I knew I had woken up beforehand, but today (Dec 15), he mentioned that he couldn’t access his bank account from Afghanistan to send money to his daughter so she could join her friends on vacation, because he is on an UN peacekeeping mission and for security reasons. When I asked what is going to do and doesn’t he know someone to get money to her. His response was no but could I help. The daughter is asking for $1500 pounds. (Of course reading some links on catfishing from Sara, that was the hook. I told him that I have to check my financial situation before committing. (Spoiler alert: I didn’t give anyone any money!)
7. Another tip you are being catfished, when you look at your conversation, you will find a few things don’t add up. He said this to me: Kann ich dich meine Schwester nennen?  - it’s German for “Can I call you sister?”. When I told him I only speak English, he wrote back with the English translation. My question, I never said a word of German to him, so why originally ask me in German? Makes no sense. On Sunday he asked me that he would like to visit me for Christmas, which was weird as not the day before I explained I live in a LTC facility and is a quadriplegic and my facility was under Covid lockdown. So I re-explained that I could not have any visitors until January 2021 as they keep on finding Covid positive cases of residents and staff, so my lockdown keeps on getting extended. So leads to today conversation about his Christmas plans and will he be able to see his daughter. He said he could because the UN denied his request for leave. Oh that’s interesting - he was hoping to see me at Christmas but suddenly he can’t Christmas off to visit his daughter. Strange, eh? 

This has been quite learning experience for me. Showing me how I can be too trusting and think kindly of others. I don’t what to change that, I will more cautious in the future. I realize I can be naive of things around me; so could fall easily into a scam such as catfishing. Being naive that there are such cruel people out there to lure people emotionally or mentally with these romantic schemes or financially like ones see in the news of vulnerable people losing their savings, especially seniors (widows/widowers). These peoples kindness and compassion exploited by others who see this an easy way to make money off the vulnerable people of Canada and no doubt around the world. 

I did continue with the communication with the fake guy as I was curious when he would ask and how he would ask for financial assistance. Today (Dec 16), I received my answer - he asked me to wire the money to his friend in The Netherlands (Holland) so the money can get to his daughter to go on vacation with her friends. He gave me all the information to wire him the money. Of course, he won’t be getting a penny or shilling from me. I will be communicating with him and reveal his catfish game was found out, and how it made me feel. It probably won’t make a difference as he will play this game again on another unexpected, trusting individual again. At least, for me, it will bring closure on this embarrassing situation from this past week. My friend Sara sent me the name the photo was taken from - what a surprise, this guy’s profile photos have been used multiple times and there is a warning post saying the real person is not a surgeon on an UN peacekeeping mission. I feel bad that this has happened multiple times before me. The real guy is a neurosurgeon specializing in brain conditions. I feel bad for this guy unknowingly a part of a romantic or catfish scheme. 

I am thankful I listened to my gut instinct sooner than later. I am thankful that I broke “this imaginary friendship”, telling Sara what occurred on the weekend. Yes, I still feel foolish and an  idiot that I fell for the scheme; but no serious damage was done (other than ones pride). So my advice, just in general, don’t disregard your gut instincts as it might know something you don’t at that moment. When a someone asks you to keep “your friendship or relationship” a secret, keeping it from your best of friends - there should be a red flag waving at you, that something might be right about this situation. I realize there are women who were hurt way worst than I by these romantic schemes. The stigma when family and friends find out you were hooked into this situation can be rough and I can see how this could destroy or damage a woman who seem strong and a smart person too boot. The “victim” will be harder on themselves than from other people  - they would need to rebuild their self confidence, self worth, and learn to be able to trust again to think one could have a real romantic relationship. Finding and put trust in oneself again when meeting new people again. It will just take time, so thank you to my family and friends supporting me. It is a small hiccup for me to overcome, looking onward to the future whatever it holds.