To Be Thankful

Today is Thanksgiving Monday. Traditionally, this is the time we share what we are thankful for. Share who means so much to you. And of course, sharing a Thanksgiving meal of turkey, stuffing, potatoes, sweet potatoes, glazed carrots and dessert pumpkin or pecan pie. (Makes your mouth begin to water - lol).

This year (2020), our traditional thanksgiving has thrown into pieces because of Covid-19 virus. With cases across Canada, some provinces have put stricter restrictions on the last official holiday long weekend of the year. This year, families are not able to share this weekend with their extended families or friends as it has been seen that social gatherings can lead to the spread of the virus. We have been under Covid-19 lockdowns and restrictions since March 13, 2020. You can manage for just so long until you are simply done - they call it Covid-19 fatigue. We are all feeling it and I think if anyone tells you they aren’t is in denial or lying to themselves. No one really likes to be told what they can and cannot do. Totally frustrating. 

If I was able-bodied, I would have my work bubble, as I lived on my own - that would be one bubble and probably one of my friends in Three Hills as another bubble. Of course, this is not the case, I live in a long term care facility with its own set of restrictions set out by the government. From March 13 until May 28 - I could not see any family or friends as my facility was in lockdown due to 4 staff members contracted the virus. It was until mid-May that we where allowed to have one outdoor visit per week of two people. Being we have over 350 beds at my facility and having capacity to maintain these outdoor visits; that was the reason for the limit of one per week. Living in 2020 has given us the technology where you can do video chats, email, text, phone, and Facebook etc. So I have been able to stay in communication and have that social interaction for my wellbeing. Even with technology, it hasn’t been easy. As I have only a manual wheelchair at moment, I am literally stuck as I can’t move the wheelchair myself. Frustrating especially when you get that urge where you just want to feel the sun and wind on your face. Even if it’s just for a few minutes. Being understaffed, there is no extra staff to just take me outside for a fresh breathe of air. My small crack when my window is open will have to do. 

With the Thanksgiving weekend, we do take the time to remember what we have to be thankful in our lives. I know some look at my situation - thankful they do not have to face themselves (don’t worry, I wouldn’t want anyone to face these either). During my past challenges I had to face, I used to get, “Your family has been through so much.” True, but I always say, “There is someone out there who has it tougher than I do.” It is true then and it is true now too. 

To be thankful:

1. I have an incredible support from family, friends and colleagues. My “Laura Jean’s Cheering Squad “The incredible medical professionals at my facility. Plus strangers I have met on GBS/CIDP Facebook support groups. They all have given me support, love, encouragement, advice, and positivity vibes too. 
2. To be alive - during the first 6 months of my admission in ICU, I had 2 near-fatal episodes. September 2016 - Shortly after arriving onto ICU, GBS impacted my autonomic system which lead to having severe bradycardia where my blood pressure basically bottomed out and I went into cardiac arrest. To help stabilize me the doctors inserted a temporary external pacemaker to help regulate my blood pressure. March 2017 - I spiked a fever (over 40c) as my body was fighting off an infection. I was diagnosed with severe sepsis and septic shock. At this stage of sepsis, your major organs can begin to shutdown and you can die. It a week I have no memory of but from what I am told, I had all these tubes for massive IV antibiotics and blood transfusions. Remember at this time, I am still attached to a mechanical ventilation system with my tracheostomy as I could not breathe on my own yet. Scary times. 

3. For my friendships - I am so blessed and thankful for friendships I have surrounding while facing this journey of GBS. I would not have been able to get through this without them. They have kept me from going to that dark place of helplessness and negativity through there love, support and encouraging words. Some of my friendships have helped keep my faith grounded and sharing that God is always with me. 

4. Even though I have been dealt a hard deal in life, I know there is some else facing a harder situation. Yes I am a quadriplegic with little movement in my limbs, living in a LTC facility on long term disability. I agree with you, it is a hardship I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I really can’t be spontaneous, every thing has to be planned days or weeks ahead to ensure that day can go smoothly for me. Some many things I miss from my able-bodied days. But do you know what I do have that others facing a hardship or a tough journey -  I have a loving family who I know I can call anytime day or night; I have an awesome circle of friends similarly can call day or not if I need to vent, have a cry or hear words of encouragement to help me through a rough patch. I received a long term disability which allows me to have a roof over my head, food on the table and receiving wonderful care from staff and medical professionals. So for this I am thankful of reminding myself, I am fortunate. 

5. Thankful finding another outlet to fill the void of losing my job as a coding coordinator at Calgary’s hospitals. For a person who growing up was shy, definitely dreaded any type of public speaking or standing up sharing my voice on issues that me or someone else. This summer, I found the courage and my voice to write to my provincial and federal political members on concerns that matter to me such as Alberta’s healthcare being attacked by the UCP party. 

6. Finding the enjoyment of blogging. Once settled at my LTC facility, I took friends advice that I should starting to blog again (a public domain online journaling). Last year, I start my new blog documenting my journey with GBS. Initially, it went well but took a hiatus as I became overwhelmed with on going medical issues to be dealt with and blogging didn’t seem important. It took 6-7 months until I began to realize, as I am unable to write, my blog is just important to me as it is with others. Yes, blog shares my story to whom ever reads it, but it is something for me to read to show me where and how I came through things. The confidence of sharing my voice on issues that matter to me, gave me the motivation to go back to blogging as it is a way I can bring awareness to GBS too. 

7. Keeping me safe during a Covid-19 global pandemic - one of things that was made clear early on in this pandemic, when a senior citizen or a person with a pre-existing condition or is immune compromised, the risk of a fatal outcome is higher. Of course I fit into the last 2 categories. From the beginning, March 2020 onwards to even today, my facility of medical professionals have put in outbreak protocols to myself and my fellow residents safe and healthy. Taking every precautions they can do so. Since March they implemented as standard practice to check our temperature 2-3 times throughout the day. Even though I didn’t have Covid, having the routine temperature checking as a standard, it caught I was a having a low grad fever. With the addition of having a new type of abdominal pain, I was able to be sent to the hospital early enough that they were able to remove my appendix before it ruptured. Today, as soon as they were notifying one of our residents tested positive, immediately they followed outbreak protocols by isolating all residents to there rooms (including for meals) and tonight we were given the Covid-19 test to ensure we are not positive. I am thankful for being in good place who is responsible for my wellbeing.

8. I am thankful for my faith. I didn’t really realize it has been there but never recognize to grab onto it. Definitely realized that early in this journey of living with GBS. Facing the reality of losing a person and having to make another with what seems like endless bumps in the road is a mix of many feelings - frustration; anger; staying in denial because reality is just overwhelming, sad, depression to handle. Learning to spot the negativity feelings by acknowledge it but don’t get sucked into that dark place which is hard to recover from. I am thankful for my faith not to give up hope. Hope - be it seeing a negative turned into a positive or seeing a silver lining/blessing throughout my journey. When you think about it, my faith is a part of my strength so I can continue with my journey living with GBS.

This Thanksgiving - though it is challenging and so many things we are custom to do this weekend. I am still can be thankful for what I have and blessings that comes from those things.